Child Of The Fifties
By the Time We Got to First Loves, We Had Discussed Other Topics
Talking to a stranger who became a friend.
I will call him Bud; he is the owner of the mechanic shop where I take our cars to be serviced. After several visits and discussions, I learned we had a somewhat parallel life journey. Bud is a year older than me.
He shared with me, he and his wife will celebrate fifty-one years of marriage later this year and have a daughter 51-year-old. They married months after they found out she was pregnant. Bud and his wife had a second child, a boy. Named after his father, grandfather, and grandfather. All four family members have different middle names.
I was excited to see that Bud and his wife survived their life-changing event and have enjoyed a happy life. Well, except their son estranged them. The son also estranged his entire family, and they only live miles apart, seems like an uncomfortable arrangement. I understand that from them the son caused and choose to be estranged 20 years ago. He did not want to amend his ways.
Bud and his wife are entering retirement this year, selling the business, and eyeing moving to another part of the country.
Roger Fifties Years Ago
Fifty years ago, this month, I was a participant in creating another person, a child who would be born nine months in January the following year. I was eighteen; she was sixteen. We were kids, but I was head over heels in love and believed she was the one. I was a virgin; she was not. She suggested we engage in sex; we did not discuss the idea of protection. I believed that if she got pregnant, then we would have a child. And that is what just happened, after several months of unprotected sex.
We decided to not marry at the time and live together. Our relationship seemed great for thirty months and then unfortunately just failed because of her infidelity. This was not the first incident. After the first time, she assured me, it would not happen again. I had doubts I was the father and did not insist on DNA testing. Still, today there is no need for testing, knowing will change none of our history. When it happened the second time, I was not willing to continue the relationship. I assumed that when we split up, she would have custody, I would pay monthly child support, and have monthly visitation.
When we split up, she requested I care for our daughter. During the lengthy months of court appearances, I met a gal who was interested in both me and my daughter. The attorney suggested that if we married, the court would favor us over the single mother. I do not know why that was the case but decided to get married to this new love. Looking back and knowing then as I do today, I did it because I felt I was the best chance for our daughter to have a successful life.
My Second Relationship Failed after Fourteen Plus Years
The beginning of this relationship started off great for many years. But when several unsurmountable problems and issues I knew this relationship would not survive. Religion entered this relationship, and she knew my view in advance. I was not in agreement and it was not a pleasant time. The second cause was that I/we became the support person for her brother, wife, and two children, who were invited to live in our living room. Eat the food we supplied, bath, and do laundry, with no contributions to household cost. This lasted for well over a year and closer to two, longer than just helping someone out.
Soon her mother and soon to be husband began living in our spare room. Same routine. Much more than I have ever conceived at helping someone out if tuff times.
I did not see myself continuing this way for the rest of my life. I calculated I wanted to reach one hundred years old, I was then in my mid-thirties, and this path was not for me. I announced I wanted out, moving out the same day.
My daughter was between seventeen and eighteen, she had just graduated high school in the first half of her senior year. She seemed to have developed a bond with the stepmother. We discussed her options of staying with the stepmother or me, at the time she decided to be with me, but later decide to stay with the stepmother. That decision lasted days and she decide to stay with me.
Third Times the Charm.
Thirty-two years ago, I met another gal who became my girlfriend, then wife and life partner, thirty-one years ago we married, she is still my friend. Funny thing is it was the same day my daughter married her then boyfriend, we married too, a double marriage. I thought at the time it would be novel to be married the same day as your daughter. Our marriage has lasted.
My daughter’s marriage lasted only months. Failed because of her infidelity with her husband’s friend. She is married today on her fourth marriage. Both she and the current husband were married to others during their infidelity with each other. Today they are still married and have three children. I wish them the best.
The Twist Twenty Years Ago
We met my daughter’s new husband once before they were to be married. Several months after meeting them for lunch I receive a “Dear Dad” letter stating that she and the new husband wanted nothing to do with me. Adding they did not want any of her future children to have contact with me. The email devastated me, I waited one year and replied to the email letter.
It was my decision not to interfere and have no further discussion with her and her family. Over the years I did not changed my mind nor did she. Drama and legal cost are not in the best interest of anyone, especially for me and my wife.
If we knew how our life would turn out, we might have fast forwarded and skipped over parts. I started life thinking I would have a life like Bud’s, but that was not the plan for me. I am happy today; it just took longer to arrive then I want it to.
People basically do not change over time; you must find the one that complements your thinking. I did later in life.
I do not know what is in store for me/us regarding my daughter in the future. Time will tell.
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Thank you for reading.